Mother's Day has come and gone.
It wasn't filled with breakfast in bed or a bunch of handmade gifts from my kids or an jewelry. It was a pretty ordinary weekend for us. We went to the River to hang out with family and eat some hamburgers and go for a boat ride. My kids weren't particulary well behaved and my baby belly didn't make me feel like I was glowing.
I really didn't have any expectations though. And I'm hoping to not sound too depressing, but if my expectations are low, there's not a lot of room for disappointment.
I draw a lot of my inspiration and feelings from motherhood. You can see it in my photographs, you can see it in how I support my friends and you can see it in how I coach my mother's in the gym in my other career. But most importantly, you can see in how I talk about motherhood.
It is the wildest thing out there. I haven't done anything like it--and I don't think I ever will.
so so so overwhelming. Like I think to myself, 'why did I do this?', 'how can I continue?' and I feel like I'm not making any progress. I cry a lot. It may be the pregnancy hormones (3rd pregnancies are no joke) or maybe I'm just a very emotional person. This year has not helped. At. All.
I see some of the same feelings in my community and social circle. Isolation. Frustration and feeling overwhelmed at the same time that it seems like we don't have too much to do.
How can we 'fix' it?
I certainly don't have the answer. And I would be hella weary of someone who said they did have the answer. But, do we need to fix it? Whatever it is.
Will it be fixed if the kids are well behaved 100% of the time? Will it be fixed if you have a bunch of disposable income? Will it be fixed if we all go back to our normal routine? Probably not. The answer is not in one thing that you get that you didn't have before.
You have it already. In this chaos there is love.
There is chaos when your toddler screams that they don't want you to sing their favorite song in the car. But there is love when they tell you later that day 'I'm sorry I was being mean to you.'
There is chaos when they figure out how to use the water cooler and leave a puddle on the floor. But there is love when they help you wipe it up with a towel that you give them.
There is chaos when the drop 'F' bombs in the grocery store so loud everyone turns and looks. But there is love when they explain that they learned it from their father in the car and you realize they have no idea what it means so instead of being mortified, you're in awe of their little developing brains.
It's when we come to terms with both of these existing together, sometimes at the same time, we can allow some space and time for grace for ourselves. Actively changing thoughts of the next thing to do on the list to thoughts of how your children showed love to you that day.
We're all on this wild ride together, even our sweet babes.
And in that grace you find for yourself
Look for an opportunity to help someone else recognize it for themselves. We are a community of parents, caretakers, guardians and mothers.